The point of all this rambling is that if you find yourself bumping up against any manner of resistance from your body or mind as to why you should skip your meditation (whether it's your daily practice or going on a retreat), don't listen to it!!!
What I've learned over the years of meditating, is that these waves of emotionality/energy are a part of the game. Stuff is going to come up no matter how long you've been at it.
What will change however, is your response to it. In the beginning, it's easy to let the moments of "this is a waste of time" rule your world and allow them to knock you off your horse. Sometimes stopping you from meditating at all.
But the trick is, you don't stop...you keep sitting day after day.
In time, you learn that these "hindrances" are simply the ego's way of trying to stop you from evolving...of "breaking free" from limiting ways of living/being. It's as if they ego wants you to "stay small" to some degree, maintaining your present paradigms about life.
In fact, it is said that there are about 4 Ego Hindrances which will arise when we first begin to sit (and will still continue to rear their head even after years of practice). Please understand that there certainly are more but these are at the top:
1. Doubt. This one is pretty simple. You will question what you're doing. Wondering..."How can this sitting still really have any positive affect on my life?". In general your thoughts will lead you to believe that this is a waste of time.
2. Boredom. You'll begin to think that this is ridiculously dull and tedious. You will imagine that there are so many other things you could be doing that would be "fun" and you'll probably get very restless due to lack of interest.
3. Drowsiness. When you sit to meditate, even if you're not that tired, you'll get very sleepy and lethargic and perhaps even fall asleep.
4. Forgetfulness. You can look at this one in 2 ways. First, In the midst of meditating, your mind will lead you on a "Oh yeah, I almost forgot, but I need to call Betty today" and you'll feel like if you don't get up and write it down immediately, you'll forget to do it. Second, you can be forgetful in the way of planning to meditate later in the day, and then you get so busy, you "forget" to sit that day.
What I want you to understand is that this is very normal. Often this happens when you're about to make a breakthrough.
So rather than giving in to these "hindrances", just sit with them. Say..."I see you "boredom" for what you are...my ego trying to get me off my butt, but I am sitting instead.
Don't beat yourself up when they happen.
They are a part of the process of the practice of meditation. Expect them to being playing right along side you. And please know that you're not alone if you experience this...this is very typical and experienced by most meditators.
You're job is to sit anyway. Even if it feels completely fitful. Simply by taking the action to sit, you're making progress toward breaking free from your fears and your ego.
In time, when they appear, you'll see them as they are and gently come back to your breath and begin again.
That's what I had to do on the 2nd day of my meditation retreat. And sure enough, the very next morning, I had a deeply profound meditation filled with insights that rocked my world.
Remember, we learn to become a real "Captain" of our minds in rough waters, not calm seas.
Thanks for being a loyal email subscriber. I hope you found these thoughts helpful and I appreciate hearing from you. Let me know if you ever have any questions.
Let there be peace in my mind, let there peace in the Earth...